Monday, June 4, 2012

ME and FIBRO talk

ME and FIBRO had a talk.

I am bigger than U, stronger than U, and faster than U.
I can knock U down anytime I want to. I sit back and wait for U to find something that makes U happy and then I destroy it. I know when U are building your strength and I like to see U fall apart when I take your strength from U. I play hide N seek with U all day long. I watch U when U cry and wait for U to rebuild your encouragement only to destroy it after U are back on your feet again. I watch U watch others. I see your disappointment, jealousy and yearning to be able to do what they do. I listen to U as U pray for help, understanding and relief. I wait for U to try yet another strategy to defeat ME. I am your shadow everywhere U go. I sit and wait to press your buttons and make your moods explode all over the place. I love it when U feel like a fool. I love going to the store and watching U stress yourself out because U can’t remember what U need. I love making your mind go chaotic when U are beyond exhausted. I am always with U even when the sun is shining brightly outside. I like how U think U are doing better and U might even be happy. I step in then out of the shadows and fill U with despair and longing memories of yesterday. I listen to your wishes and wait to embark pain so severely on those days that U can’t participate or enjoy the day.
I have no plans of leaving U. I am intrigued by your strong willpower and I enjoy the game we play with each other. My only request of U is that U keep trying to get rid of ME.

OH FIBRO, Yes U do knock ME down and U do destroy a lot of my happiness. I can’t disagree that U take MY strength away and destroy MY encouragement I try so hard to build. I do get stressed over the hide N seek game U play with ME. I hate it when U come out of nowhere and knock ME off my feet. I am jealous, disappointed and yearnful of things I can’t do anymore. I do long for understanding and relief. I know U are in my shadows because I feel U everywhere I go. I too am watching and waiting to see if U will destroy another activity I am looking forward to. I can’t disagree with U on MY mood swings. I seem to lose control very easily when severe pain is upon ME. I so hate how U make MY mind keep going nonstop and I can’t get the rest I so desperately need. I do get frustrated when I go shopping and forget what I need and have to do another trip to the store. I hate how MY memory comes and goes and the stress this embarks on my body. I am very sad over yesterday and all the things I use to be able to do. I hate that I have to ask for help now. I hate that the pain U give ME is so horrendous that I am overwhelmed with darkness, despair and isolation. I do know that U have NO intentions of leaving ME willingly. I do know U like to watch ME suffer. I do know U love this game U play with ME. I know U believe U have taken everything I ever wanted, needed or ever hoped for away from ME. I want U to know I am NEVER giving up on getting rid of U. I do NOT care if U knock ME down every day because I am going to get right back up again and again. I hope U think I am giving up just so I can prove MY point to U that I am NOT giving up. I do know U will knock ME down and I do know U will fill ME with so much despair that some days will seem so dark. I do know this game U like to play with ME might go on for years or possibly the rest of MY life. Yes, this does make ME sad! I want U to know that every day U play your game I am going to PRAY, WISH and HOPE for healing. I want U to know I am going to keep trying to find a way to make U go away. FIBRO I only want to leave U with one other thought about this game.
Keep playing your game with ME but U can’t have MY FAITH because that belongs to MY Father.
By the way FIBRO do U know MY Father?
HIS name is GOD!

Copyright © Cindy K Bremer
June 4, 2012

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