Monday, April 30, 2012


My only accomplishment today....
I made a Facebook page for Fibro Colors.
Funny thing is I don't know if anyBODY is reading any of this :)
I will take this on as a learning lesson for myself for patience....


Today I am going to decide whether to keep this Blog or not.
I feel kind of funny writing to myself.  I do know writing in a journal 
is personal but it is intended for that purpose...

Saturday, April 28, 2012

FM Cycle


WE tend to be judged according to how WE look.
I must say as far as how I look.  I look very young for 44!
Nobody believes my age....
I find most people who see me base their decision on me having Chronic Pain as it can't be possible... She looks fine!  I hate this....
I can honestly say because of this standard I tend to push myself even further.  I tend to try not to show exactly how bad I am doing.  I get tired of people assuming because I look fine there can't be pain.
I hide my pain very well. 
Don't get me wrong the pain is excruciating and it does me in.  I just find ways not to have to be around people who judge so stupidly.. If somebody was to tell me they hurt... I simply understand they hurt.
I do not like being asked how I am doing!  I actually hate it.  
Honestly what do I say to somebody I feel like shit and life sucks, nobody wants to hear that.

Things that make living with Fibromyalgia tolerable for me!!!

I quit blaming myself and criticizing myself to do better.
This is not my fault!  I am doing the BEST I can!

I quit overdoing everything and learned to pace things out.
I make big projects small.  I make time for breaks!  The pain is NOT worth it!

I stopped pushing myself to do unrealistic things.
I know I can do things but I will pay deeply!
I stopped listening to others thoughts on who I am.
Walk in my shoes and then judge me!

I am working on not putting myself last.
This is an ongoing problem for me!

I do not put all my hopes on somebody taking this all away
It is God's timing!

I am working on stress release issues.
I believe stress makes, creates and aggravates my pain.

I am learning tension release exercises that really work.
This took years to learn!

I do not believe Fibromyalgia cures are learned in a book.
I did the research!  It seems everybody who doesn't endure Fibromyalgia seems to have a cure for it....

Knowledgeability is the ANSWER

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Fibro thoughts

Fibromyalgia can really drain a person fast.
My energy plays hide n seek with me all day long!
My body feels like it did so much yet NOTHING  is done.
I have learned through many "trial and errors" that pushing myself when 
I am exhausted or drained will be a hefty price to pay. 
The price is sometimes more than I can bare! 
I use to tell myself I will just do this and rest but this never worked, because I would find myself trying to do something else.
My inner child does not like the idea of not doing anything.  I would hear 
all kinds of remarks on how lazy I had become and it would sparks me to try harder.  I use to push myself so hard, I would hurry and try to accomplish nearly everything that had to be done before the pain level increased to a point of no return.  I found guilt pushed all my buttons because I did not work and felt this was owed of me.  I tended to have a complex of everything had to be done in one day.  I would put so much pressure upon myself... If I had to stop due to the pain I was bombarded with so much guilt and negative thoughts...
So basically I punished myself for hurting!
The thing I hate most is if I push myself to hard I will have a setback for sometimes days.  I will be honest and tell you that I was mad at myself even through the pain I was enduring.  I hated that I couldn't do anything. 
Oh did I try though!
I would sometimes even with all the pain still try to accomplish something.  I finally decided I needed to find another way and I slowly started to make smaller projects of the bigger ones.  I would do small amounts of dishes. Not all of them!  I would start a load of laundry and sometimes wait a while before putting in dryer.  This depended upon how bad my neck was doing from bending to put clothes in washing machine.  Let's just say I had to be taught this by myself through many "trail and errors."  If you are anything like me that inner voice sure kicks our ass sometimes....

I have found things that help and I will write about them in my next post :)