Thursday, April 26, 2012

Fibro thoughts

Fibromyalgia can really drain a person fast.
My energy plays hide n seek with me all day long!
My body feels like it did so much yet NOTHING  is done.
I have learned through many "trial and errors" that pushing myself when 
I am exhausted or drained will be a hefty price to pay. 
The price is sometimes more than I can bare! 
I use to tell myself I will just do this and rest but this never worked, because I would find myself trying to do something else.
My inner child does not like the idea of not doing anything.  I would hear 
all kinds of remarks on how lazy I had become and it would sparks me to try harder.  I use to push myself so hard, I would hurry and try to accomplish nearly everything that had to be done before the pain level increased to a point of no return.  I found guilt pushed all my buttons because I did not work and felt this was owed of me.  I tended to have a complex of everything had to be done in one day.  I would put so much pressure upon myself... If I had to stop due to the pain I was bombarded with so much guilt and negative thoughts...
So basically I punished myself for hurting!
The thing I hate most is if I push myself to hard I will have a setback for sometimes days.  I will be honest and tell you that I was mad at myself even through the pain I was enduring.  I hated that I couldn't do anything. 
Oh did I try though!
I would sometimes even with all the pain still try to accomplish something.  I finally decided I needed to find another way and I slowly started to make smaller projects of the bigger ones.  I would do small amounts of dishes. Not all of them!  I would start a load of laundry and sometimes wait a while before putting in dryer.  This depended upon how bad my neck was doing from bending to put clothes in washing machine.  Let's just say I had to be taught this by myself through many "trail and errors."  If you are anything like me that inner voice sure kicks our ass sometimes....

I have found things that help and I will write about them in my next post :)

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